New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
