I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
