ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
