I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We're too hungover to prance.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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