id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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