I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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