mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
