Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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