Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
