I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
