Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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