I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
