What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
