ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
