new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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