Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
