I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize