dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
