if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
