I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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