my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
