like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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