Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
