I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
