Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
