I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
