I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
