she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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