tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize