I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
