I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
