Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
