My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
