I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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