she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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