how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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