She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
