Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
