well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
