You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
