I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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