she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
