Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
