omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
