She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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