i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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