i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
