bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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