M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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