My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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