I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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