I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
