Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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