nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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