I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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