I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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