There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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