At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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