My sheets look like a crime scene.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
