Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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