So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there was a trapeze. enough said
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
