Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
