I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
