I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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