I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
