You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
