He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize