so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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