I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
