The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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