When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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